John Cooper-Clarke : Ou Est La Maison de Fromage?

Back in the mid 80's, Andy, an old friend from way back when turned up on the doorstep outta the blue. He'd been last seen five odd years previously clutching a one-way ticket to Oz and now, straight off the last Jumbo into Heathrow, was looking for a place to doss.

What's half a decade between friends so . . . "No worries, take the spare room for as long as you want."

Note: by "travelling", I mean serious travelling. In the days before gap-year Cynthia's and Jeremy's chocolate-and-banana-pancaked their way around the Lonely Planet, this guy had done places like Borneo and New Guinea ffs

Anyway, the guy's still adjusting to life back in Blighty so, a couple of days later . . .

"Fancy a gig Andy?"
"Who?"
"John Cooper-Clarke down the Oval Cricketers"
"Er . . . yeah, OK then"

The venue was an old back-street boozer, 20 or 30 punters are already there. Just as the first pint is going down in a not-even-touching-the-sides way, the punk poet himself walks in to general applause and cheering.

And in bizarre moment of Otway/Clarke confusion Andy starts chanting.
"Really free, really free, really really really really free . . ."

The punters piss themselves laughing, I'm dieing with embarassment, JCC buys us a drink, gets on like a house on fire with Pat, asks us if we knew anyone selling smack (we didn’t) and does a set not dissimilar to this . . . .

1.  Serial
2.  Letter To Fiesta
3.  Film Extra's Extra
4.  Majorca
5.  Action Man
6.  Kung Fu International
7.  Missing Persons
8.  Split Beans
9.  Dumb Row Laughs
10. Bunch Of Twigs
11. Trains
12. Cycle Accident
13. Gimmix
14. Readers Wives
15. Ten Years In An Open Neck Shirt
16. Nothing
17. I Married A Monster From Outer Space
18. Ten Years In An Open Neck Shirt
19. Daily Express (You've Never Seen A Nipple In The)
20. Ten Years In An Open Neck Shirt
21. Salome Malone
22. Psycle Sluts

 Andy? Last heard of being a TV chef (serious).

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